I have really struggled with relationships since college.  I haven’t made the best decisions when picking a mate. Most of my breakups have ended tragically with my heart being broken from cheating. I can’t say it was all their fault. I knew some of them were “bad boys” from the jump but still stuck around.

Prior to college, there was my high school sweetheart Shawn who was AH-MAY-ZING.  I thought for sure  he would be the one I would spend my life with.  He was a Jehovah’s Witness and I was Christian.  He had a great job at a local factory and I was a big dreamer who wanted to live all over the world. The odds were against us from the very beginning. I moved to Atlanta my freshman year of college and he came to save the day when I ran out of money and my mother and I were no longer speaking.  He drove from Ohio to GA,  packing everything I owned into his 1980 Chevy Monte Carlo and moved me back to Dayton. But before I left, we went back into my dorm room to make sure I had everything and he got on one knee and proposed to me.  It was magical and frightening. I was just 18 and had no plans of being married anytime soon.  When we got back to Dayton, I lived with my bestfriend’s grandma until Shawn got us an apartment. I loved the on-bedroom apartment he picked out but his mom was not so happy about us living together without being married so he left and helped to pay my rent for a few months.  He was a good man. We had an “on and off again” relationship for about 4 more years until we decided to call it quits. It was a sad breakup but we both had to come to the realization that it would never work no matter how much we cared for each other.

I just recently dated someone for two years.  It started off rocky and I believe we both were co-dependent.  We were both pushing through tough times, not working and maybe a slight trauma bond from our recent experiences.  We lived together for a year and half and by no means did I think this was a wise idea at all.  Not how I wanted to show up as an example for my daughter.  But this guy had a great heart.  He was much like Shawn where you can see the greatness in someone but it doesn’t mean that we were meant to be together.  

He was very extroverted and for some extroverts, partying with friends allows them moments to not think about that is currently going on in their lives.  Extroverts need to be around people to fill up.  I on the other hand, wanted to stay as far away from people as possible.  I was battling depression and didn’t want to fake smile, meet new people or socialize at all.  It was tough.  Let me also say outside of the depression I am a true introvert.  A dinner of 4 is a perfect setting for me.  Being in crowds of 100+ people has always been overwhelming to me unless I am the speaker at an event (WORK).  

This became a tough spot for my boyfriend and I in our relationship.  He loved to be on the scene and I simply did not.  Even when I tried to compromise, after an hour of being around tons of people, I was just ready to scream or cry. I didn’t have the tolerance.  At some point, we had to admit that we just needed to move on.  He was accustomed to dating women with no kids who were outgoing and maybe even considered socialites.  It wasn’t me.  I’m a Netflix and Chill kind of gal, a true homebody.  Once we realized that we needed to part ways, we became good friends.  THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED!

I’ve been cordial with a few exes, even have talked to a few over the years but not like this.  I enjoyed our compassionship and I was happy that we were able to continue on as friends. I believe now in beautiful breakups.  There is beauty in letting go in peace and genuinely wishing the best for the other person. Being able to talk once or twice a month to check in and catch up. I love it.  For me, it has shown my own growth and healing. I have been able to accept people for who they are more than ever, be accountable for my own actions and fail forward. I love this place.  I want this for everyone.  Certain people have been able to achieve this beauty and it really can work.  In high school (a predominantly white school), it wasn’t uncommon to see a friends mom, dad and step-mom eating together or attending events together. Not just for the kids but for the sake of moving on and wanting the best for the other person.  In return, you are choosing what’s best for YOU…peace of mind.

Sometimes relationships don’t work out and breakups don’t always have to end in flames and chaos. They can end with transparency, respect and dignity.